The Purpose, Value, and Dangers in Dating
This is the single most important question in establishing Bible guidelines for dating. When you date someone, you are not only taking a step toward marriage, you are forming a relationship with another human being. The Bible speaks very clearly about all relationships in II Corinthians 6:14-18. The â€œunequal yokeâ€ mentioned in this passage refers specifically to a joining of believers and non- believers. God does not approve of this. It will lead only to sorrow and sin.
A. You should not date an unsaved person. The II Corinthians 6 passage cited above clearly states this.
B. You should not date a Christian who is less spiritually mature and committed than you are. II Thessalonians 3:6,14 speak about staying away from other Christians who are not obeying the Bible fully. If you date and fall in love with a Christian who is lackadaisical about his/her faith and loyalty to Jesus Christ, when do you think he or she will change? If you want to serve in the local church and raise your kids to love God, do you think he/she will accept such guilt-producing behavior (that is, obedience to the Bible!) on your part?
C. You should probably date only persons within your belief system if you have strong convictions. By this I mean, if you are a strong Baptist and you date a Presbyterian with strong beliefs, you will clash. Even if both of you are good, godly Christians, a fundamentalist Baptist and a Presbyterian will have trouble agreeing on some basic things.
D. Seek the advice of wise, godly people. If you have godly, spiritually mature parents, listen to them - they are the best ones to give you advice! They know you and have watched you develop. Do not hesitate to ask their wisdom and analysis of a potential dating partner. Listen to what they say with an open mind (Proverbs 11:14). If you do not have Christian parents, talk to other mature Christians about someone you would like to date.
E. Make a list of what you are looking for in a marriage partner. First on your list should be spiritual characteristics. Remember, whatâ€™s in a personâ€™s heart is far more significant than how she or he looks (I Samuel 15:7). You could list things like godliness, committed to obeying the Bible, involved with church, respects his or her parents, wants to please God, and so on. You might consider having two parts to your list of qualifications: one part that would identify character traits that you consider absolutely necessary, and the second would be things that you could be flexible on (things like hair color, liking certain sports, enjoying certain books, etc.) God might have someone picked out for you who doesnâ€™t like exactly what you do, or whose hair color you thought you would never care for. You should be flexible about these personal preferences. But you should not date someone who does not fit your spiritual qualifications. Why not? Because you should not be married in an unequal yoke to someone who is not committed to Christ, and dating is a step towards marriage.
1. What if you really like a guy or girl but he/she is not saved? Canâ€™t you date a person so that he/she will get saved?
2. What would happen if you started dating a person who was a strong Roman Catholic or Jehovahâ€™s Witness? Would you go to their religious services? Would you consider adopting their religion in order to keep dating him/her?
3. What if there are no really solid, godly, eligible girls or guys around you right now? Should you date somebody who is not qualified to be your spouse in a desperate case like this?